30 TH MARCH ,2011 (JUST FOR LAUGHS !)

Happily married couple so far , but it seems amiss some thing today, they are sleeping side by side but not talking , husband is awfully silent and not responding to his wife's advances.
Wife to her husband : what is wrong today , you are depressed and not  even taking interest in me ? do you think I am not looking sexy today ? or my face is distracting you ? don't you like what I am wearing tonight? Are you annoyed with what I cooked for you today ? did I said something offending to you ?

What the hell why are you not replying to any of my questions?
Poor Husband is thinking deep in his mind about the cricket , "Dhoni is a dam fool , why did he asked Nehra to bowl last over of the match and lost the match ?'"

But on 30 th march when the same Nehra was bowling and restricted the pakistan from making huge scores , which ultimately led to Indian victory, Husband is rejoicing and drinking pegs after pegs , his wife is already into her sleep half way , he goes and throwing himself on her and starts kissing violently, wife gets up abruptly to realize that some one was teasing her in her sleep, she asks who is it?
Husband replies it is me ! what the hell are you doing on  this dead hours?
Well I wanted to tell you that Dhoni is not a fool ? he only befooled us by playing Nehra again ?. Husband revealed smilingly.
  Need less to say that wife  took him to a Psychiatrist the next morning and doctor advised to remove that TV from his room immediately. 

R.K.NAGPAL ( Just for laughs)

COMMONSENSE VS NON SENSE,

ONE OF MY FRIEND WHO HAS SOME EXPERIENCE IN AWKWARD SITUATIONS ?
If wife kisses everytime when you come home after late night.outing . Always remember,its not AFFECTION,its SECURITY INSPECTION ? your body of daru,perfume or lipstik....BE CAREFUL....if you ignore these warnings , you will be caught .

Banta: Do you think a genius can ever make a good husband?
Santa: You should better ask this question to my wife! because she knows me well .
God to Banta :what is your last wish ? you can tell me right away before I take you
Banta :o mere Rabba please mujhe marney se pehle  married kar do...!...
God :beta maine tumhe MANNAT mangne ko kaha tha NARAK nahi !!.. wahan to sirf marney ke baad hi ja paogey?

Do more than just belong to ?: participate.in it
Do more than just care: help the needy .
Do more than just believing : practice.what you believe
Do more than being just fair: be kind.to all too.
Do more than simply forgiving: forget.other's mistakes
Do more than day dreaming : work..hard....

Another Holi Joke: Chitra Gupt :- saale YamRAJ, maine kaha tha,
"jaa...paan"... leke aa. Ullu ke patthe tu leke aa gayaa..?TSUNAMI ?..
रंगों की फुहार में तन-मन सराबोर हो न रहे गिला शिकवा कोई
ऐसी यह भोर हो इन्द्रधनुषी रंगों का असर चहुँ ओर हो आकाश में
न पहुँचे जहाँ यह खुशी ऐसा न कोई छोर हो, बुरा न मानो होली है
हर तरफ गली गली , नुक्कड़ व् मोड़ पर बेबुस , बस यही शोर हो

Best Phrase Said By Shakespeare: When someone lies To you, its not his fault! Actually its your's Because you didnt give him the proper space & freedom to tell the truth. Person necessarily tells lies when in fear ? fearless people are truthful always . “The bad news is time flies.It doesn't give many opportunities in life to mend your ways . The good news is you’re the pilot."You can still steer through your mistakes.
Doing nothing for others is the undoing of one’s self going without purpose in life ?. We must be purposely kind and generous, or we miss the best part of our existence in this world.The heart that goes out of itself, gets larger perspective of life and is full of joy. This is the greatest secret of the saner life. We do ourselves the most good doing something for othersNobody In This World Can Have A Crystal Clear Heart.!! Because Everyone’s Heart Has Some Scratches Scribbled By Their Dear Ones...
All you ever really need is one good friend... Everyone else are just extra toppings on an already perfect dish?

 Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.?Be gentle and considerate in every circumstances,At the same time Respect your parents they are the one's who brought you in this world. Have patience when they are old because when you were children they had to bear lot of your mistakes.What you are today is the fruit of their patience.Once you learn to take care of your parents ? world starts taking notice of you?

"Bouncers! They are the big temptation for holly"cows" :
"ये सुन कर हम ने भी मयखाने में अपना नाम लिखवाया
 की जो कोई भी लडखडाता है,...... वो बढ़ कर थाम लेते हैं .

 

 

26th ,January, 2011

   Shakespeare.....
                 "Never Play With The" Feelings Of Others whom you want to retain as yours for ever"
                   Because by applying tricks with him ,You May Win The Game but not him/her
                   But on the other,The gravest Risk Is "That You Will Surely Loose
                   The Person For ever in your Life Time".



                          
                           "The world is suffering a lot. now a days, Not because of
                           the violence of bad people,called terrorists or illegal money racketeers?
                           But surely we do suffer huge stakes of mental peace and security, because of   the                            silence of good people!"



                           Einstein.........


                           "I am thankful to all those who said" NO" and showed NO interest in  me,when  I                            really needed their support in my life,but I hold them in high esteem now!
                           Its ,Because of them that "I learned to do  it myself.." and stood on my own feet                                     even  taller than them?


                           Abraham Lincoln.........
                           "If friendship is your weakest point in your life,and you have the courage to do                               any thing for your friends?
                           you are the strongest person ever found
                           in the world"




                           Shakespeare..........
                           "Laughing smiling Faces always" Do Not Mean That There Is
                           Absence Of Sorrow!
                           But It Means That They Have The Ability To
                           Deal With It" better than others ?.


                           William Arthur.........
                           "Opportunities Are Like Sunrises in your life, If You
                           Wait Too Long You  will find your selves amidst darkest  nights of your careers.                             You are likely to Miss Them rest of your life in vain ".



                          Hitler....was a ruthless leader but he realized in hard days of his life that: .
                           "When You Are In The Light, Everything else
                           Follows You,
                           But When Your life Enters Into The Dark phase,  forget about your staunch                                followers Even Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."


                 Shakespeare.............
                 "Coin Always Makes Sound But The Currency
                  Notes Are Always Silent.  So When Your Value Increases
                  Keep Yourself Calm & Silent"to retain GRACE OF YOUR VALUE "


                  Dr Abdul Kalaam........
                "It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone, But on the cotrary" It
                Is Very Hard To Win Some"

Manmohan singh the worthy priminister of India is deliberately keeping Mum because he is niether running the Government nor the Swiss Banks , He is as calm as ever ? He worked for World Bank and not for small notorious swiss banks who are keeping all sorts of crime money in their chests from all over the world ? & refuse to divulge details of account holders? Mr Asange of wiki-leaks will any way do it ! but he stands a risk of being killed by these account holders >

26th ,January, 2011

Working hard brings the desired result in our life ,every drop of sweat drenching our body, at our young age, will multiply our comforts & reduce tears in our old age. To err is human but: if it is done once,it is called mistake?second is stupidity, if still continuing with committing mistakes THEN IT IS A BAD HABIT worst than committing Suicide ????? 

ALways love and respect the person who brought you in this world?(YOUR MOTHER) and devote your maximum of time and energy in promoting persons who have been brought in this world BY YOU ONLY.(YOUR FAMILY )

 

 

हिसाब किताब , रखने का "आसान तरीका "KEEP YOUR ACCOUNTS FOOL PROOF ------ NO AUDITS REQUIRED.?

नई नई शादी हुई थी , पति ने पत्नी से कहा :-हमारे कमरे की जो अलमारी है न ? उसमे एक दराज मेरा होगा ! जिसे तुम भी खोल कर कभी नहीं देखोगी . मैं उस पर अपना लाक लगा कर रखूँगा .
पत्नी ने कोई इतराज नहीं किया और ख़ुशी से एक दराज अपने पति को ताला लगाने दिया , पति ने उसमे अपना सामान रखना शुरू कर दिया , सब कुछ ठीक ठाक चलता रहा .
 तीस साल बीत गए ,अचानक एक दिन पत्नी ने देखा की आज दराज का ताला , पति लगाना भूल गए हैं ,उसने उसमे झांक कर देखा तो पाया की उसमे " तीन गोल्फ की बाल्स और सिर्फ १०००/- रुपए नकद थे "


पति के लोटने पर उसने दराज खोल कर दिखाते हुए कहा " यह क्या रखा है इसमें , गोल्फ बाल्स ?" इसी के लिए तुम इसे लाक कर के रखते थे ? पति ने खुद को संभालते हुए बोला " दरअसल यह बाल्स मैंने अपनी महिला मित्रों की गिनती रखने के लिए रखी हैं ,"मैं जब भी अपनी किसी महिला मित्र के साथ घुमने जाता था तो लोट कर एक बाल दराज में डाल देता था " तीन गोल्फ बाल्स देख कर पत्नी बड़ी खुश हुई की चलो पिच्छले तीस सालों में उसके पति ने सिर्फ तीन बार बेवफाई की ?


पत्नी :-लेकिन यह १०००/रुपे सिर्फ ?

पति ने कुछ सोचते हुए बोला :- शायद जब बाल्स काफी हो जाती थी न , दराज भर जाती थी , तो मै बाल्स को १२/- रुपए दर्जन के हिसाब से बेच देता था , यह उसी के पैसे हैं , मैंने अभी तक हिसाब ही  नहीं जोड़ा था 1

राजेंद्र नागपाल

MARCH 4TH,2011

मुश्किलें ही  होंसलों को  आजमाती हैं...

आँखों पे पड़ी यह गफलत की खुमारी .

सच्चाई पे पड़ी ,झूट की चिलमन ,

दिमागी अक्स  से धुल भी यह हटाती हैं 

मुश्कलें न होती राहों में,तो मंजिलें भी क्या होती !

न होती नींद तो ,सपनो की बिसातभी  क्या होती ?
 ठोकरें खा  खा ,के हौसला न खो राह में ऐ मुसाफिर,
यही दिक्कतें ही तो मानुष को,, इंसान बनाती हैं...?.

23 rd january 2011

 पति डॉक्टर से :-पत्नी का ऊपरी होंठ फट गया है । डॉक्टर ने टांके लगाने के 10 रुपए मांगे। 

 पति ने 20 रुपए का नोट दिया " मेरी समस्या  दोनों होंठों पर टांके लगाने पर ही हल होगी "

  जरा ठीक से सीना , बहुत बोलती है ,कहकर ऑपरेशन रूम से बाहर आ गया।

  मत रखना कभी उम्मीद वफ़ा की हमसे ,
 हम ने तो हर कदम पर बेवफाई पाई है ,
 जख्मों के निशाँ मेरे जिस्म पर ढूँढ़ते हो ?
  हमने तो हर चोट अपने दिल पे खाई है

.....