PERCEPTION CHANGES JOKES WITH A SENSE

PERCEPTION CHANGES JOKES WITH A SENSE 

क्यों डुबाते हो दूसरों को अपने गम के प्याले में,
क्यों करते हो दर्द का इज़हार ..
जन्नत उसी में है जब लोगों को गुमान हो
की खुशियाँ तेरे दामन में हैं हज़ार ..
बिखर जाने दो पंखुरियां तेरी 'मुस्कान' की इतनी
की दूसरों के उजड़े चमनो में आ जाये बहार.. .... )


"तुम ग़लत या हम ग़लत,
तुम सही या हम सही........,
इस बात का राज न जाने कब खुले !
छोड़ो इन बातों में अब क्या रखा है ?
गर मिले फुर्सत कभी ,तो सोचेंगे यही की ,.
ये ज़ालिम ज़माने कि साजिश ही रही
असल में थे तुम भी सही, और हम भी सही.?

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मनु,"डेडी, ज्यादा काबिल कौन है मैं या आप?"


डैडी, " मै, क्योकि मैं एक तो तुम्हारा बाप हुँ, दुसरे उम्र मे भी तुम से बडा हुँ और मेरा तजुर्बा भी तुम से ज्यादा है।"
मनु, "फ़िर तो आप जानते होगें कि अमेरिका की खोज किस ने की थी? "
डैडी, "कोलम्बस ने की थी"
मनु, "कोलम्बस के बाप ने क्यों नही की, उसका तजुर्बा तो कोलम्बस से कही ज्यादा होगा न ?????
****************************************************** दिल्ली जाने वाली एक बस खचाखच भर चुकी थी। एक बुढिया बस रुकवा कर जबरदस्ती चढ गई। कंडक्टर के मना करने के बावजूद उस ने कहा मुझे ज़रुरी जाना है। किसी ने बुढिया को सीट नही दी। अगले बस स्टैंड से एक युवा सुंदर लडकी बस मे चढी तो एक दिल फैंक युवक ने अपनी सीट उसे आँफर कर दी और खुद खडा हो गया। युवती ने बुढिया को सीट पर बैठा दिया और खुद खडी रही । युवक अहिस्ता से बोला, " मैने तो सीट आप को दी थी।" इस पर युवती बोली, "धन्यवाद, लेकिन किसी भी चीज पर बहन से ज्यादा मां का हक होता है।"




MY EARINGS WERE TOO HEAVY FOR MY EARS, MY BODY HAS PROTECTED THEM FROM CHAIN SNATCHERS?


कंजूस आदमी (मृत्युशैय्या पर)—रा..म बे..टा क..हां है ?
परिवारजन — आप चिंता न करें, वह आपका सिर दबा रहा है।
कंजूस आदमी — श्या..म बे..टा क..हां है ?
परिवारजन — आप चिंता न करें, वह आपका पैर दबा रहा है।
कंजूस आदमी — ग..णे..श बे..टा क..हां है ?
परिवारजन — आप चिंता न करें, वह गंगाजल लिये आपके बाजू में ही खड़ा है ?
कंजूस आदमी — म..हे..श बे..टा क..हां है ?
परिवारजन — आप चिंता न करें, वही तो आपको हाथ—पंखा से हवा कर रहा है।
कंजूस आदमी (झुंझलाते हुए) — मे..रे चा...रों बे..टे य..हीं प..र हैं तो फि..र दु..का..न में कौ..न बै..ठा है ?

LAWS OF BEING HAPPY"{ English}

IF YOU HAVE CONFIDENCE YOU CAN CONQUER ANY HIGHEST PEAK IN THE WORLD;‎"A Mountain can not BE higher than our confidence.. because the peaks of mountains will be under our feet, when we manage to reach the top with our hard & dedicated efforts , dedication , devotion AND conviction

Sometimes, life gets so busy that we cannot find time to say "Thank you" to someone who has been so nice and wonderful. So now is the time to say, text or email "Thank you" to that person.
(Ramona Falls, Mount Hood Wilderness, Oregon, USA)

I believe in "ANGELS IN HEAVEN", the kind that GOD sends. But I get betrayed by the" ANGLES TURNED DEMONS ON EARTH" created  by the PEOPLE on earth to push me in to HELL? OF SUFFERINGS.

 

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                                      "  A SENSIBLE & MIND FULL EATING HABITS IS BEST"

A pilot study at Indiana State University found that mindfulness, including specific instructions to

 slowly savor the flavor of food and be aware of how much food is enough, helped to reduce eating

 binges from an average of four binges per week to one and a half.

Eat in the moment. Savor every bite, enjoying the flavors, textures, and smells of your meal.

Buy fresh flowers to put on the dining table.

Use smaller cutlery so that you eat less with each bite.

Create a beautiful atmosphere - dim the lights, play music and light candles.

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Wife: Honey Can you help me in the garden?  

Husband: What do you think, I'm your Gardener ??

Wife:  (after some pause) OK.Can you fix the door handle of our main door ??

Husband: What do you think of me, I'm a bloody Carpenter ??

In the Evening when husband came from the work, He saw everything has been

 fixed..!!

He asked: Who fixed this..??

Wife: "Our darling  Neighbor.  he was very reasonable ,but he gave me two 

options..!!

Either I should give him burger or a lip kiss..!!

Husband: what sort of gentleman is he ? I'm sure you must have given him a

 burger..!! is in't it darling?

Wife:  Stupid ,What do You think, I'm Mc'Donald's..??

MORAL OF THE STORY IS :

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat

you with his foolish experience.

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Ek public toilet me likha tha

"Dunya Chand Pe Pohanch Gai Aur Tu Yahin Betha Hey"

Pintu Ne Niche Likh Dia:

"Bas Dho Ke Ja hi  Raha Hoon, Wahan Pani Nahin Hei Naa?

Never waste a minute of your precious life by squandering off by thinking about

 people you don't like or people who would not like you, give that precious time

 to your loved one as that time would never be available once lost. Love in life is

 prime important than the people around us demoralizing us thinking otherwise

. Do not worry about what other says, Important is what you say about your

 self.

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Boy: i wanna tell you something.

Girl: its not good to talk while eating.

(after eating)

Girl: O.K.  now tell me.

Boy: Now what is the use? there was a cockroach in your food..oops...chee

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Man Praying to God:

"Please Give Me 'Everything'

So That I Can Enjoy 'Life'..."

God Smiled And Replied:

"I Have Given You this beautiful  'Life'To Enjoy 'Everything'...what else u want?

*********************************************************

Girl: I love you



Boy: Me too.

Girl: Kitna karte ho.

Boy: Jitna tum mujhe karti ho.

Girl: Kamine, main sochti thi ki tum sachha pyaar karte ho!

A 'DESIRE' Changes Nothing

.
A 'DECISION' Changes Something.

.
But

A 'DETERMINATION' Changes Everything.

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♥ There's no market for your sorrows in this world,

so never advertise them to sell on your home page♥.

Every morning you have two choices, continue ur sleep with dreams or 

WAKE UP

 and chase your dreams. CHOICE IS YOURS. Choice is exclusive but difficult to 

follow

HAVE A GREAT AND HEALTHY  THANKS GIVING DAYDAY......

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888


All of us think of prosperity but we forget to maintain the balance between

 peace, 

 lasting happiness

 and prosperity.

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‎"Beautiful line"---

"जिंदगी  ऐसी  न  जियो  की  लोग  ......"फ़रियाद " करें ....

बल्कि  ऐसी  जियो  की  लोग ........."फिर  याद " करें ....

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What is self insult???


An angry BOSS::: Tumney kabhi Ullu dekha hai??


Employee (Sar Jhuka ke) ::: No Sir.!


Boss::: Niche kya dekhto ho???


look up at me...............

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We don't accomplish anything in this world alone ... 


And whatever happens is:--


 the result of the whole tapestry of one's life and all the weavings of individual


 threads from one to another that creates something unique.


- 

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v

‎````"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a 

better job of being you than you , Every passing minute is another chance to 

turn it all around , There comes a time when you have to choose between

 turning the page and closing the book. Have FAITH !!

Favourite quotations	HOLD THE HAND OF THE PERSON WHO LOVES  YOU RATHER THAN EXPECTING HIM TO HOLD  YOURS.. THE ESSENCE OF TRUST IS NOT IN  ITS BIND BUT IN ITS BOND ON RECIPROCAL  BASIS. "Don't  just Be a woman that needs a  man, "Be the woman a man needs."her

LIGHTER MOMENTS IN OUR LIFE

I HAVE SEEN THE WORLD FROM ALL SIDES.

THERE ARE MANY ANGLES TO EXPLORE HISTORY.

 One Chinese person walks into a bar in


 America late  night to watch a movie


 and he saw Steven  Spielberg The film


 director.(Film guy)  As he was a great 


 fan of his movies, he  rushes over to


 him, and asks for his "autograph."

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and


says, "You Chinese people bombed our


 "Pearl  Harbor,

get lost."I don't want to talk to ...    you "

The astonished Chinese replied, 






"It was not the Chinese "Sir" who bombed






  your Pearl Harbor, They were the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you'are the chips




 of the same block, all the same," replied Spielberg.

  In return, the Chinese also gives Spielberg a slap 







                               AND says,








You sank the Titanic My forefathers were on that ship."

 Shocked, Spielberg replies,:-----

 "It was the iceberg in the sea  that sank the ship, not me."

                 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Chinese replies,  "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg,

 you're all the same."  are you  allbugs of ?Petersberg???????

*****************************************************

A REAL COMPANY DOES MATTER

 

Some people will like you for reasons

Some will dislike  for some reasons.

Who you live with  the most time,? 

Depends on exactly how much you 

like  or dislike  yourself.?

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`"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a 

better job of being you than you , Every passing minute is another chance to 

turn it all around , There comes a time when you have to choose between

 turning the page and closing the book. Have FAITH !!

HOLD THE HAND OF THE PERSON WHO LOVES  YOU RATHER THAN EXPECTING HIM TO HOLD  YOURS.. THE ESSENCE OF TRUST IS NOT IN  ITS BIND BUT IN ITS BOND ON RECIPROCAL  BASIS.  "Don't  just Be a woman that needs a  man, "Be the woman a man needs." ‎````"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the  entire world can do a  better job of being you than you , Every passing minute is  another chance to  turn it all around , There comes a time when you have to  choose between  turning the page and closing the book. Have FAITH !! *************************************************************************** Favourite quotations HOLD THE HAND OF THE PERSON WHO LOVES  YOU RATHER THAN EXPECTING HIM TO HOLD  YOURS.. THE ESSENCE OF TRUST IS NOT IN  ITS BIND BUT IN ITS BOND ON RECIPROCAL  BASIS. "Don't  just Be a woman that needs a  man, "Be the woman a man needs."

v

‎``"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a 


better job of being you than you , Every passing minute is another chance to 


turn it all around , There comes a time when you have to choose between


 turning the page and closing the book. Have FAITH !!

**************************************************************

Your circle is your reflection.By staying close to people who treat you poorly,

 you're telling them & accepting them in Toto, you allow them to do so.? 

 You easily get bogged down by them. So just keep close to people who treat 

 YOU WELL"AND BOOST YOUR MORALE"

MY FATHER GIVES ME BEST COMPANY                       

PROTECT YOUR FACE BOOK " ID"

Life runs on two simple golden rules."Accept" &"Change".'Accept' the thing which you can't change or'change' the things which you can't accept...?..There is no middle path.
Life in every body's TENURE puts two challenges , accept changes as they come in your way, and live. OR be adamantly rigid , reject the change and perish in resistance , OTHER LONG ROUTE IS TO EITHER CHANGE YOUR SELF OR THE CHANGE ITSELF IF YOU CAN?
Many a time people complain that they've been cursed with bad luck, but i've learnt in the past week that most of it arises from their own socially unacceptable behaviour and ethics that repels everyone, luck and maybe God as well and that's what keeps them in the state they are in. I could be wrong, but that's what's boggling my mind today
Luck, Destiny , bad luck, good luck, failures and successes are of our own lineage & inheritance . some times despite our best efforts we fail in our life ? does it mean that we will never succeed ? we have to learn some fundamentals of success, :-
( 1)How we carry our personality and interact with the world?(2) How our mind has been programmed throughout our learning life.(3)whether we have the courage to give up our unpopular unethical social fabric to turn a new leaf and move over to success?very few people drink daily from the huge ocean of knowledge and feel addicted to it? but most will taste and vomit saying it is brackish & "It is not my cup of tea"
wife takes seriously ill husb to doc.
Doc says to wife: give him healthy b/fast daily, be pleasant & in good mood, cook tasty dinner & dont discuss your prob with him, stop watching TV serials, dont demand new clothes. if you can do this for one year, your husb will be ok.  on way home, husb asks wife - wt did doc say?
 wife: Doc ne to jawaab de diya ji, kaha bachna mushkil hai...cheers :))

Yesterday was history,Tomorrow is a mystery,Today is the gift that's why it is called" THE PRESENT.". :)

Two ladies were fighting in bus for a seat .both claiming to have occupied the seat first .Conductor: (Thinking ) O.K. The elder one should take the seat.Both ladies rose and started asking each other: "Didi, you came first,you sit please...........:)Moral of the story ............................ ladies are age sensitive.♥♥♥

Live without pretending, 

Love without depending, 

Listen without defending, 

Speak without offending

कुछ  बे वजह  ख्वैशें  हैं , इस  कदर  ज़िन्दगी  में .. .

की  ज़िन्दगी  गुज़र  रही  है , उन  ख्वैशों  की  वजेह  से ... 

Nothing you love , will be lost. 

Not in real terms. 

Things, people ,friends ,relatives, parents.they will

always go away,for ever, sooner or later. You can't

hold them,for ever, any more. But if they've touched

you, if they're inside of your heart, then they're still

 yours. The only things       you ever really have are the

 ones you hold inside your heart....

Biwi ne apne husband ko letter likha
par full-stop nahi lagaye!
Jab yaad aya to jaldi jaldi andaze se full-stop laga diye,
Phir letter kuch yun ban gaya

... "Aap ne kai din se pyar bhara khat nhi likha meri saheli Salma ko.
... Nokri se nikal diya hy hamari cow ne.
Bacha diya hai Uncle ne.
Cigarette peeni chorh di hai maine.
Bohat khat likhe par tum nahi aaye kabutar ke bache.
Billi kha gai hai ek khubsurat larki.
Meri saheli ban gai hai Reema.
Is waqt t.v pr dance kar rahi hai hamari murghi.
Aaj kal Anda nahi de rahi tumhari maa.
Tumhen bohat yaad karti hai jamadarni.
naali saaf nahi karti aaj kal
Aap ki behen. shadi karne wali hai aap ki pyari biwi


Munna Bhai writing his medical entrance exam,gives definitins as follows:-
*Antibody:Against everybody
*Artery: Study of fine paintings
*Genes:Blue denims
*Labour pain:Hurt @ work
*Microbes: Small dressing gowns
*Cardiology:Advanced study of playing cards
*Cat Scan: Searching 4 lost cat
*Coma: punctuatn mark
*Bacteria:Back door 2 a cafeteria
*Liposuction:French kiss good evening ji.













DIARY OF A UNBORN BABY;
15 jun: I got attached with ovary
17 jun: I m a fertilised ovum now
30 jun: Mom said to " u r gng 2 be a father"
MOM & DAD very happy..:~))
15 jul: my food is wt my mom eats.
15 sep: i cn feel my hrt beat.
14 oct: i hv litl hands, legs, head and a tummy
13 nov: today i was in an ultra-scan. wow!! !! My Mom Saw ME...♥
I m a girl
14 nov: "I WAS DEAD":(
my mom and dad killed me
WHY????

DO YOU HAVE AN ANSWER ?????????!!!!!!!!!!
~♥~


‎"If you have something to do that is worthwhile doing, don't talk about it, but do it. After you have done it, your friends and enemies will talk about it."

````"Things will happen in your life that you can’t stop, but that’s no reason to shut out the world. There’s a purpose for the good and for the bad, The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; It is when you don't understand yourself.






















A Good Heart & A Good Nature Are Two Different Issues
A good heart can win many relationships, ......but
A good nature can win many good hearts.


If u have magnetic personality and still u can't attract a girl towards u.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
that means.
.
.
the girl has "IRON DEFICIENCY"..:D


LoveLetter frm punjaban jatti to husband.

O mere dil de chain,
tere piche kutte pain,
Tu luteya mere dil da chain,
rabb kare tenu keede pain,
Tere nain bade nashile,
jive jharu de tille,
Tu mere dil vich eddan vasea,
jive chikad vich saand fasea,
jane jigar jane tamana,
edhar aa terian lattan phanna=)):'(


Who was the first Indian,who declared that he was GAY.
"MANOJ KUMAR".Bcause he sang-Bas,yahi apradh mai har bar karta hun, AADMI hun AADMI se pyar karta hun...

Birth was not our choice,
Death will not be our choice,

But the way we live our life is our choice,
Absolutely ours!
So enjoy every single moment as much as you can..!


It Was Happening In A Hospital That ICU Patients Died In Same Bed Every Sunday At 11 AM.

Dr. Thought It Is Something Super Natural...

Worldwide Xpert Team Was Formed To Investigate The Cause... Next Sunday,Few Mint B4 11 AM,All Dr. & Nurses Stand Around That Bed & Start Waiting 2 C What It Was? Then Suddenly A Sardar (Part Time Sunday Sweeper) Entered The ICU, Unpluged The Life Support System Of That Bed & Pluged In His Mobile Charger...:-D




HEIGHT OF BADLUCK :

Boy: Marry Me.. ?
Girl: Do You Have A House.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do You Have A BMW Car.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: How Much Is Your Salary.. ?
Boy: No Salary.. But,..
Girl: No But. You Have Nothing.. How Can I Marry You.?? Leave Please.!!

Boy: (Talk To Himself) I Have One Villa,
3 Property Lands,
3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche..
Why I Still Need To Buy BMW.?!
How Can I Get The Salary When Actually I'm The BOSS.. :P


Wo Kya Cheeze He Jo wife Apnay hsbnd Ko Sari Umar Nahi Deti?

Socho ?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Socho ??

.
.
.
.
.

Socho

CHAIN KI SAANS


Best line said by a friend :

I have never gone AWAY FROM YOU...

It is just that OTHER PEOPLE CAME CLOSER TO YOU..
AND U COULDN'T SEE ME IN THAT


Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in 2 months.'

Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says, 'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'


If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”
PRINCIPLES OF LIFE
(1) No point using limited life to chase unlimited money.
(2) No point earning so much money you cannot live to spend it.
(3) Money is not yours until you spend it.
(4) When you are young, you use your health to chase your wealth; when you are old, you use your wealth to buy back your health. Difference is that, it is too late.
(5) How happy a man is, is not how much he has but how little he needs.
(6) No point working so hard to provide for the people you have no time to spend with.
(7) Remember this -- We come to this world with nothing, we leave this world with nothing!
(8)The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do




The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.


Koi aankhon aankhon se baat kar leta hai,
Koi aankhon aankhon mein mulakat kar leta hai,
Mushkil hota hai jawab dena,
Jab koi khamosh rehkar bhi sawal kar leta hai.


“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.






The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?"

"Yes. What can we do for you?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood."

"Thank you, this will be noted."
Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood for you?"
"Yeah, they did."
"Okay, now it's YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."


Amitabh Bacchan ----

mere paas rocket hai,

shurli hai,

chakri hai,

murga bumb hai,

... ... anaar hai,
tumhare paas kya hai?
Shashi kapoor ----
mere paas
maachis hai!:-)