Friday, March 30, 2012

RETIRED" HURT" FEELING "TIRED"




Prime Minister Manmohan Singh during plenary session of the 4th BRICS Summit in New Delhi.on 29th March,2012

the smile will solve many problems. But, if you are smiling for no reason, there is a BIG Media problem... please you all smile on my behalf, I am already fed up with politics.

धृष्टराष्ट्र और भ्रष्ट मंत्रियो के प्रधान मंत्री मनमोहन जी में क्या अंतर है ? मेरे हिसाब से धृष्टराष्ट्र पुत्र लोभ और मन मोहन जी सत्ता लोभ में न्याय नहीं कर रहे है! अगर वास्तव में ईमानदार होते तो तुरंत त्याग्प्रत्र दे देना चाहिए उनको! बोलते सोनिया मैडम में इन चोरो का मुखिया नहीं बन सकता है, आप मेरा त्याग प्रत्र स्वीकार करे! लेकिन सत्ता लोभ में ... साब को कुछ नहीं दिखाई दे रहा है! God asked me:" if you want to go to heaven you will have to confess your sins & wrongs committed by your colleagues on this paper. name all corruption & scandals done under your nose, and which you could do nothing to control them ?
I asked: You mean all my doings in the last 10 years ? YES GOD ROARED.....MAY I have 6 extra sheets please…list is quite long !I was kicked out.of heaven and punished me to be with all the rogues all over again for another 5 years this is how I am still co-operating with corrupt sinners ..as heavenly punishment"
In Life...........
Don’t Settle For Someone. Who Can Buy A Coffee For You ,
Go For Someone, Who Can Actually Make It For You!
Sometimes Little Efforts Make
A Big Difference :-)
‎"When we have PAINS in Life" Always Remember the Real Cure of PAINS is...P... Positive.... A. Approach... I. In...N...Negative... S. Situation. Had Painful Last Week while dealing with Govt. officials, AND Babus at University!!!! It's tough to be Creative when Govt. only understand Language of Rule Books!! Anyways I'm back friends though Defeated but Stronger & More Positive!! Thanks for "HIM" Supporting me always! through all my thick's and thins
And the Best ONE-LINER on top of all.
if the Wedding ring is the smallest handcuff in the world? Then what about being the ring leader?


When the mind is weak a simple situation becomes A BIG PROBLEM,

When the mind is balanced, the difficult situation becomes A CHALLENGE,
when the mind is strong, that situation becomes AN OPPORTUNITY......We don't always get everything we want. But to balance that, think of all the things we don't want...........

some people don't believe in God but when they are in trouble, THEY always say "oh my god".....

or " thank god".....
Ideas won't work unless you do.
You only live once, but if you live right, once is enough?
Going for a walk in the rain isn't always fun, especially when you have to carry an umbrella that's twice your size.

The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.

In recognition of women of all ages and nationalities, and especially those who, against all odds, persevere in loving, dreaming, and battling for a better world. Women have energy that amazes men.

They meet difficulties and manage serious problems while remaining cheerful, loving, and joyous.

They smile when they want to cry out, sing when they want to shed tears, cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They battle for what they believe in.

They rebel against injustice.

They do not accept "no" for an answer when they think there is a better solution.

They deny themselves to keep the family sustained.

They go to the doctor with an anxious friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children achieve success and they rejoice at the good fortune of their friends.

They are happy when they hear talk of a birth or a marriage.

Their hearts are bruised when a friend dies.

They suffer from the loss of a dear person.

They are strong when they think they have no more energy.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a wounded heart.

There is no doubt that a woman has a defect... It is that she forgets what she is worth.

Share this with your woman friends to remember what wonderful creatures they are.

And share with men, because sometimes they need to remember these facts.

***A Woman can be our mother, daughter, wife or friend. She deserves the best of our love and respect.***

A worried man says to his Psychologist-
' My wife treats me like a Dog"

The Doc asks-"What does she do?
Starves you?
Beats you?
Abuses you?
"- "No No No! the man cried,
"She wants me to be FAITHFUL !!


मांगता हूँ तो देती भी नहीं हो !

जवाब मेरी, आसान सी बात का

जब देती हो तो खड़ा हो जाता है

रोम -रोम मेरे जज्बात का ,

मुह में लेना तुम्हे पसंद नहीं

एक भी कतरा शराब का ?
फिर क्यों बोलती हो के धीरे से डालो ,
बालों में फूल गुलाब का ????.



A car's WINDSHIELD is large & the Rearview Mirror is small.
Why?
Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on....... God Bless you All The bend in a road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to take the turn.


When we are Right, No Need to be ANGRY and when we are Wrong, we have No Right to be ANGRY!!!! ANGER is just one word short of D-ANGER. The only "Real Wealth" we have is the people around us whom we really call our WELL WISHERS. So lets Control Anger & remain Calm under all circumstances to avoid Hurting those worthy Well Wishers & allow them to be with the US always &; Let the whole world know, How "WEALTHY" we are!!!:) Zindagi ki daud may, bahut door nikal gaye...... Manzil to dikh Gayi, per rasta bhool Gaye..... Bhool Jana Use Jo Aapko Bhula De Mat Dekhna Use Jo Aapko Rula De Par Kabhi Na Hona Door Us Insan Se Jo Aankhe Bhigo Kar Bhi Aap Ko Hasa De "Paste this on your wall To Educate all the lovely Ladies you know...... "An intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman";)..... Have a Laughing Weekend!!



Don't make tragedies out of trifles,
& Don't shoot butterflies with rifles---
Laugh it off with ease ... Dreams are nature's answering service - don't forget to pick up your messages once in a while as dreams are free, so ............set yourselves free...
‎"जब आप जीवन में सफल होते हैं तब आपके दोस्तों को पता चलता है कि आप कौन हैं; जब आप जीवन में असफल होते हैं तब आपको पता चलता है कि आपके दोस्त कौन हैं!."...साभार-गुस्ताखीमाफ.कॉम
We do not understand the value of our PRESENT moments until they become PAST memories...!!!


" How hard you may try to find fault in others and keep on blaming them ? " is a very good question !!! How much will we think that the others are guilty of our actions in life? It's the same idea. I have never liked it. Everybody is guilty or not guilty of what he/she does.
Nobody has the right to blame another person because it's not true our thinking, it's only our Ego, our Mind. Only God can judge us or the Law! No matter if the law in a country is good or not, the law must be respected. Law is made by people, too!

Dura lexes sed lex - says the Latin proverb!

Since I was a little girl I thought that I had to do my best in order to become free, to not depend on my parents from the financial point of view and any other reasons. So, I started working during High School. It was very interesting for me to get more and more experience every day! Experience is always very good ...it made me know more things than others, I met very good people who taught me a lot of things to understand.

I learned about the human beings mission on the Earth, I learned how to help the people in need and why to believe in God, the Creator of All. I don't consider that I have had any success or failure till now and I also like and want to think only positive because life is beautiful...we must have eyes to see the Beauty!

Albert Einstein says " Life can be lived in only two ways: as if everything is a miracle or as if nothing is a miracle. That who doesn't believe in miracle is dead." My life is a daily miracle. Every day something amazing happens to me, very good to learn Life and very good to feel that God helps me every moment!

It's incredibly good to know that God is with us! I am sure that all we realize in our life is God's will... if we have faith. It's useless to blame the others for our "failure". There is not any failure but our mind about failure...we attract failure if we think in a negative way, if we complain all time without thinking to do something good for ourselves and for the society, without creating a little Beauty because we are given the power to create, to invent, to believe that we can do everything we dream and not to wait for the exterior, for the other people to help us.

All human beings are able to think positive, to do the best for their happiness and also for the welfare and the happiness of the others!
I strongly believe this and I don't want to make anybody think like me. I speak only about my experience I have been living till now.

There is too much Bad in the world, there are too many revolutions and wars where the human beings are dying and I think that we can do something to change the Bad is Good, to help the Humanity to live not to die... by Love! By spreading God's love and by reminding all the other people around us that they are God's creation, they are all human beings born with equal rights and that we all have the same breath for a short time...this Life!

Some people have forgotten about their own souls and bodies which don't belong to them...they think only of making money and being rich, they think only about the matter. They remember their lost feeling of love only when they are very close to death, unfortunately.

All we need is love but some of us confuse richness with happiness.
They don't remember how is the green grass looking like, the blue colour of the sky, the beauty of nature, the given Life!

It's time to change our life or it's so late...

Herminia
 
 




Wednesday, March 28, 2012

"AADMI AUR INSAN "

‎"I don't sing because I'm happy; I'm happy because I sing.


How BEDROOM smells
After
MARRIAGE: 1st 3 yrs---
perfumes, Flowers, Chocolate, Fruits.

🍫🍇🎂

After 3 yrs---
Baby powder, Johnsons Cream and Lotions, Baby oils...
👪
After 15 yrs---
Zandu Balm, Vicks, Iodex, Relispray...
😴
After 40 yrs---
Agarbatti...

Four stages of marriage:
Mad for each other,
Made for each other,
Mad at each other
😬 Mad because of each other
What's Marriage?


Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense of Humans

That Destroys All The Six Senses

And Makes The Person NON Sense..!



Definition Of Happy Couple -

HE Does What SHE Wants…

SHE Does What SHE Wants.



Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command.

Husband: Exactly darling! its a computer, not a Husband..!!

😝

'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes Can Lengthen Your Life."

- Shakespear

"Laughing At ur Wife's Mistakes Can Shorten ur Life."

- Shakespeare's Wife

😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝

Arz kiya hai.

Jaldbaazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge,

wah wah wah

Jaldbazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge..

Soch samaj ke karoge toh bhi kya ukhad loge..!!

😂😂😂😁😁😁😁😁

Wife : Agar meri shaadi kisi " Raakshas" se bhi ho jaati to mai itni Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hu

Awesome reply :

Husband Are pagli,,
Blood Relation me shaadiya Kaha hoti hai.. !!!
😜

Dont laugh alone pass it on.....👹👹
🍫🍇🎂
कंकड़-पत्थर जोड़ी के..मस्जिद दी बनाए..
ता चड़ी मुल्ला बाग दे..का बहरा हुआ खुदाय.?
हिन्दू, सिख या चाहे तो मुसलमान तू बन जा,
मगर ऐ आदमी पहले जरा तू इंसान तो बन जा..



धर्म के नाम पर तूने तोड डाले है कितने घर,
उन उजड़े ख़ाली घरों का इक बार सामान तो बन जा..
दिलो को, रूहों को जखम देना है आसान तेरे लिए
जरा दुखते हुए दिलों का इक बार आराम ही बन जा..!
 
 मुस्लिम को कुरान में इमांन न मिला ;
हिन्दू को गीता में भगवान न मिला ;
उस इन्सान को आसमान में क्या इश्वर मिलेगा ?;
जिस इन्सान को इन्सान में इन्सान न मिला


मुस्लिम ने ढूँढा "कुरान" में पर ईमान न मिला !
हिन्दू को भी " गीता " में भगवान ना मिला !
इसाई को भी " बाईबल " में ज्ञान कैसे मिलता ?
हाथ जोड़, आसमान से दुआएँ मांगने से फायदा?
जब धरती पर आज लाख ढूडने पर भी हमें .........
फकत इंसान के रूप में , एक भी इंसान न मिला ?

 
 
 
 
 

Monday, March 26, 2012

LAUGHTER CHALLENGE "

"LIFE BEGINS HERE AGAIN " LAUGHTERS UNCENSORED "




chai ( tea ) ki Patti AUR Pati ( husband ) me kya similarity hai?
Dono ki kisnat me ubalnaa likha hai...aur woh bhi aurat ke hathon.?



Height of jealousy:
On hearing about a place called Santacruz in Mumbai.
Banta is enquiring everywhere that how come Santa got his name placed in Bombay. is now in search of a person who could help him establish a place called Santa Cruz.


Santa goes to a house of Gujrati for donation and starts knocking it ..


There was a man knocking at the door, Gujju opens the door, he was asked for a donation to help by Santa.
Gujrati: what for you are collecting donations? towards the local swimming pool answered the Santa, Gujju gave him a glass of water...to be added in the swimming pool. Santa returns murmuring in his mind " there are many people like me in this world,)

संता अपनी बीवी से : यार लोग मुझे झल्ला समझते हैं , तुम तो नहीं न ?
तुम मुझे कितना प्यार करती हो ?
पत्नी : नहीं जी एह तुसी की कह दिता ? मैं तुमसे इतना प्यार करती हूँ की तुम्हारा जूठा ज़हर अभी पी सकती हूँ ;अगर यकीन न हो तोह ले आओ जेहर और मुझे आजमा लो ,
(संता सोच में पड़ गया और मन ही मन बोला यार लोग ठीक ही कहते हैं )


A bright future CAN give you many offers of beautiful girls.
But a beautiful girl CANNOT give you a bright future...Some People turn to God and Some turn to Alcohol. Both ways, though the opinions vary, life definitely is being guided by a Spirit. WHY In wedding ceremony women sit on left and men on the right ? A very valid and important point? Think & Think ..... BECAUSE According to balance sheet" all asset is on the right side and all liabilities on left side Shashtro Me Likha Hai- Pati-Patni EK Hi Gadi Ke DO Pahiye Hai, Dono Me Se AEK Bhi Kharab Ho Jaye To Gadi Nahi Chal Sakti Hai.. Moral of the story is ; Spare Wheel Rakhna shuroo Karo...ji






SWOT Analysis filed by Santa Singh

1) Strength: My Wife Manjeet

2) Weakness: Banta's Singh's wife Manpreet

3) Opportunity: When Banta Singh is on tour

4) Threat: When I am on tour

God save this Management Guru!

PS: Banta has demanded that the new airport in Panvel should be named Banta Cruz, as Santa already had one named after him as Santa Cruz!








टीचर : हमारे शास्त्रों में भी लिखा है की " पति -पत्नी एक ही गाड़ी के दो पहिये हैं ? गृहस्ती की गाड़ी बिना इन दोनों के तालमेल के एक


कदम भी नहीं चल सकती? अब दोनों में से एक भी खराब हो जाये तो , गाड़ी वहीँ ठहर जाती है ,संता तुम बताओं इसका क्या मतलब है ? और क्या करना चाहए .


संता :--- टीचर जी ,अगर गाड़ी है तो स्टेपनी भी रखनी चाहये और क्या ?


लड़के ने लड़की का हाथ पकड़कर कहा – “यू आर सो हॉट, बेबी !”

लड़की ने खींचकर उसे एक थप्पड़ मारा और कहा – “हरामजादे…..

मुझे 103 डिग्री बुखार है और तुझे आशिकी सूझ रही



जब ज़िन्दगी हसाए , तब समझाना अच्छे कर्मो का फल है ..!
जब ज़िन्दगी रुलाये तब समझाना अच्छे करने का वक़्त है ....!!..

संता अपने पिता जी के सामने सिग्रेट पी रहा था

लोगों ने कहा के आप अपने पिता का कोई लिहाज़ नहीं करते ?उनके सामने सिगरेट पी रहे हो ?

संता बोला : वो मेरा पिता है , कोई पेट्रोल पम्प थोडा है ,जो आग पकड़ लेंगे ! क्या बात करते हो ?.


संता, भगवान की मूर्ति पर सिर पटक-पटक कर शिकायत कर रहा था-
"हे भगवान,
तूने बचपन दिया.... छीन लिया.!!!
जवानी दी..... छीन ली.!!!
पैसा दिया......वापस ले लिया.!!!

एक बीवी भी दी है...
उसे लेना भूल गया है क्या.?




Husband texts to wife on cell......" hi what r u doing darling ?"
Wife: "I am dying..!! The husband jumps with JOY and types " sweetheart how can I live without u?" Wife:" u idiot I am dying my hair.." Husband: bloody English language...!!!!!



संता एक ज्योतिषी के पास अपनी कुंडली दिखाने गया
ज्योतिषी :- यजमान , ..तेरा नाम संता सिंह है ?
संता :-. हैरान होते हुए ".जी महाराज !
ज्योतिषी :- ..तेरे दो लड़की और एक लड़का है ?
संता :- ..जी महाराज , बिलकुल सच्च है जी !
ज्योतिषी :-.. तुने कल 10 किलो चावल ख़रीदे हैं और पांच किलो चीनी भी ?
संता :-...हांजी तुसी तां कमाल हो ,,.....ओये तुसी तो अंतर्यामी हो , पर पंडित जी यह सब आप मेरी पत्री से कैसे जान गए ?

ज्योतिषी :-. ...बेबकूफ कुंडली कहाँ है ? ये तो ,राशन कार्ड दिखा रहे हो ? ..

Degrees of Girls..!!!!
B.A.-Beautiful Angel
B.E.-Beautiful Eyes
B.Sc.-Beautiful Structure
B.Com-Beautiful Communication
M.B.A.-Married But Awesome!!!



Santa had a leakage in the roof over the dining.

Plumber asked: Sir when did you notice it?

Santa: Last night when it took me 3 hours to finish my soup...!!

Santa to Banta:-
"I am going"
ka kya Matlab Hota hai..?

Banta: "me ja Raha hu"...!
!
!
Santa:- aise nahi jaane dunga,
pehle matlab
bataa..

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."


सरदार अपने बीबी के साथ cofee house में ..

सरदार :-- जल्दी पी.. cofee ठंडी हो जायेगी ...
बीबी : -- फीर की होगा ??


सरदार :--
बेवकुफ " मेनू कार्ड " देख ,
Hot coffee -- Rs 15
Cold coffee -- Rs 45