LAUGHTER CHALLENGE "

"LIFE BEGINS HERE AGAIN " LAUGHTERS UNCENSORED "




chai ( tea ) ki Patti AUR Pati ( husband ) me kya similarity hai?
Dono ki kisnat me ubalnaa likha hai...aur woh bhi aurat ke hathon.?



Height of jealousy:
On hearing about a place called Santacruz in Mumbai.
Banta is enquiring everywhere that how come Santa got his name placed in Bombay. is now in search of a person who could help him establish a place called Santa Cruz.


Santa goes to a house of Gujrati for donation and starts knocking it ..


There was a man knocking at the door, Gujju opens the door, he was asked for a donation to help by Santa.
Gujrati: what for you are collecting donations? towards the local swimming pool answered the Santa, Gujju gave him a glass of water...to be added in the swimming pool. Santa returns murmuring in his mind " there are many people like me in this world,)

संता अपनी बीवी से : यार लोग मुझे झल्ला समझते हैं , तुम तो नहीं न ?
तुम मुझे कितना प्यार करती हो ?
पत्नी : नहीं जी एह तुसी की कह दिता ? मैं तुमसे इतना प्यार करती हूँ की तुम्हारा जूठा ज़हर अभी पी सकती हूँ ;अगर यकीन न हो तोह ले आओ जेहर और मुझे आजमा लो ,
(संता सोच में पड़ गया और मन ही मन बोला यार लोग ठीक ही कहते हैं )


A bright future CAN give you many offers of beautiful girls.
But a beautiful girl CANNOT give you a bright future...Some People turn to God and Some turn to Alcohol. Both ways, though the opinions vary, life definitely is being guided by a Spirit. WHY In wedding ceremony women sit on left and men on the right ? A very valid and important point? Think & Think ..... BECAUSE According to balance sheet" all asset is on the right side and all liabilities on left side Shashtro Me Likha Hai- Pati-Patni EK Hi Gadi Ke DO Pahiye Hai, Dono Me Se AEK Bhi Kharab Ho Jaye To Gadi Nahi Chal Sakti Hai.. Moral of the story is ; Spare Wheel Rakhna shuroo Karo...ji






SWOT Analysis filed by Santa Singh

1) Strength: My Wife Manjeet

2) Weakness: Banta's Singh's wife Manpreet

3) Opportunity: When Banta Singh is on tour

4) Threat: When I am on tour

God save this Management Guru!

PS: Banta has demanded that the new airport in Panvel should be named Banta Cruz, as Santa already had one named after him as Santa Cruz!








टीचर : हमारे शास्त्रों में भी लिखा है की " पति -पत्नी एक ही गाड़ी के दो पहिये हैं ? गृहस्ती की गाड़ी बिना इन दोनों के तालमेल के एक


कदम भी नहीं चल सकती? अब दोनों में से एक भी खराब हो जाये तो , गाड़ी वहीँ ठहर जाती है ,संता तुम बताओं इसका क्या मतलब है ? और क्या करना चाहए .


संता :--- टीचर जी ,अगर गाड़ी है तो स्टेपनी भी रखनी चाहये और क्या ?


लड़के ने लड़की का हाथ पकड़कर कहा – “यू आर सो हॉट, बेबी !”

लड़की ने खींचकर उसे एक थप्पड़ मारा और कहा – “हरामजादे…..

मुझे 103 डिग्री बुखार है और तुझे आशिकी सूझ रही



जब ज़िन्दगी हसाए , तब समझाना अच्छे कर्मो का फल है ..!
जब ज़िन्दगी रुलाये तब समझाना अच्छे करने का वक़्त है ....!!..

संता अपने पिता जी के सामने सिग्रेट पी रहा था

लोगों ने कहा के आप अपने पिता का कोई लिहाज़ नहीं करते ?उनके सामने सिगरेट पी रहे हो ?

संता बोला : वो मेरा पिता है , कोई पेट्रोल पम्प थोडा है ,जो आग पकड़ लेंगे ! क्या बात करते हो ?.


संता, भगवान की मूर्ति पर सिर पटक-पटक कर शिकायत कर रहा था-
"हे भगवान,
तूने बचपन दिया.... छीन लिया.!!!
जवानी दी..... छीन ली.!!!
पैसा दिया......वापस ले लिया.!!!

एक बीवी भी दी है...
उसे लेना भूल गया है क्या.?




Husband texts to wife on cell......" hi what r u doing darling ?"
Wife: "I am dying..!! The husband jumps with JOY and types " sweetheart how can I live without u?" Wife:" u idiot I am dying my hair.." Husband: bloody English language...!!!!!



संता एक ज्योतिषी के पास अपनी कुंडली दिखाने गया
ज्योतिषी :- यजमान , ..तेरा नाम संता सिंह है ?
संता :-. हैरान होते हुए ".जी महाराज !
ज्योतिषी :- ..तेरे दो लड़की और एक लड़का है ?
संता :- ..जी महाराज , बिलकुल सच्च है जी !
ज्योतिषी :-.. तुने कल 10 किलो चावल ख़रीदे हैं और पांच किलो चीनी भी ?
संता :-...हांजी तुसी तां कमाल हो ,,.....ओये तुसी तो अंतर्यामी हो , पर पंडित जी यह सब आप मेरी पत्री से कैसे जान गए ?

ज्योतिषी :-. ...बेबकूफ कुंडली कहाँ है ? ये तो ,राशन कार्ड दिखा रहे हो ? ..

‎Degrees of Girls..!!!!
B.A.-Beautiful Angel
B.E.-Beautiful Eyes
B.Sc.-Beautiful Structure
B.Com-Beautiful Communication
M.B.A.-Married But Awesome!!!



Santa had a leakage in the roof over the dining.

Plumber asked: Sir when did you notice it?

Santa: Last night when it took me 3 hours to finish my soup...!!

Santa to Banta:-
"I am going"
ka kya Matlab Hota hai..?

Banta: "me ja Raha hu"...!
!
!
Santa:- aise nahi jaane dunga,
pehle matlab
bataa..

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."


सरदार अपने बीबी के साथ cofee house में ..

सरदार :-- जल्दी पी.. cofee ठंडी हो जायेगी ...
बीबी : -- फीर की होगा ??


सरदार :--
बेवकुफ " मेनू कार्ड " देख ,
Hot coffee -- Rs 15
Cold coffee -- Rs 45

My Wildest Thoughts And observations .........

TRUTH IS A BITTER PILL TO SWALLOW .!


The more strict immigration laws, stringent employment conditions , jobs will move to soft areas , it is universal phenomenon, and will you believe , more the out sourcing business comming to india . more is the flight of capital from india to the USA ,from those areas where business is shifting , though perfect balance is maintained automatically. This seems to be some administratively wrong policy boomeranging back on the face of planners ? reasons are short of manpower  and skills. wealth is being redistributed in new world order?


'कभी' सोचूंगी जब 'मरते' वक़्त...

'क्या' मिला 'जिन्दगी' से,
तुम 'देखना' होठ मुस्कुरायेंगे मेरे
आँखें होंगी नम....
क्यूंकि मुझे मिला...
...'तुम्हारा'.. प्यार और.. इंतज़ार ..!
मेरे फलाने यहाँ, मेरा फलाना वहां 
मेरे अमकाने ये ,मेरा ढिमकाना वो 
अमा मिया ! ये बता दो तुम क्या हो ?
"Only few things can be Changed by Changing the Face, but Everything can be changed by Facing the Change.. Do you know which is the costliest Liquid in the world ??????????...IT IS."TEARS"..... Because It is made of 1%  saline water & 99% Feelings. So Spend them with care...!!!! Sometime we maintain SILENCE to protect One Beautiful talking RELATION... But TOO much silence creates TEARs in all Beautiful Relations....

इतना सारा 'प्यार', इतनी 'शुभकामनाएं'..
डरती हूँ मैं, मेरी आँखें न छलक जाए..
'पर ये क्या'..
ये तो छलक भी गयी...
सम्हाली नहीं जा रही इतनी ख़ुशी..
आप सब का बहुत बहुत आभार ..........
माफ़ी चाहती हूँ.. wishes इतनी सारी हैं की मैं सबको अलग से शुक्रिया अदा नहीं कर पा रही.. कृपया बुरा न माने

सूरज दादा का कहना है कि अपनी सुविधानुसार वे उगेंगे और अस्त होंगे . . . . . आगे उनका कहना है कि उनसे कुछ गलतियाँ हो रही हैं लेकिन वे उतने गुनहगार नहीं हैं जितना उन्हें प्रचारित किया जा रहा है। वे मजबूर हैं . . . उन्हें अन्य ग्रहों का भी ध्यान रखना पड़ता है, इसलिए समझौते करने पड़ते हैं। समय पर उगना उनकी अकेले की नैतिक जिम्मेदारी नहीं हैं

There may be more than 8.5 billion people in this World.....But, sometimes we really need JUST One person......in the World!!                                            When dealing with people, let us remember  we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing  with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity ~ Dale Carnegie

‎5 fingers of prayers

1. Your thump: is near to you, so pray for those who are closest to you.
2. Pointing Finger: pray for those who teach, instruct and heal.
3. Tallest Finger: Pray for our leaders, they need GOD's guidance.
4. Ring Finger: weakest finger, so pray for those weak, throulbledor in need.
5. Little Finger: the smallest remind you to pray for yout self.

चंद सिक्को में बिकता ईमान देख रहा हूँ
लोगो का पेट काटते झूठे बेईमान देख रहा हूँ
कैसा करिश्मा है देखो इस अंधे कानून का
कुर्सियों पर चोरो को विराजमान देख रहा हूँ
इक दूजे का गला काटते हिन्दू मुसलमान देख रहा हूँ
...धर्म के नाम पर जलते गीता कुरान देख रहा हूँ
क्या क्या नहीं देख रहा अब मत पूछ मुझसे
...सूनी नजरो से घायल हिंदुस्तान देख रहा हूँ!

 


"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find in another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you."Blaming others for all our failures is not going to convert our failures in to success ? We all waste our time and mind when instead of being positive about our mission in life ? we choose to feed our selves with excuses of failures. How hard you may try to find fault in others and keep on blaming them ! IT IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE ?

 

Try to make Tons of Money by ethical means & Become so rich that you  have the capacity to buy the  most expensive item you desire on this earth ...

But at the same time you yourself also  become so expensive that  no amount of money could buy your conscience & character,.Only then you can stop corruption from spreading every where?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Sunday morning, a wealthy man sat in his balcony enjoying sunshine and his coffee when a little ant caught his eye which was going from one side to the other side of the balcony carrying a big leaf several times more than its size. The man watched it for more than an hour. He saw that the ant faced many impediments during its journey, paused, took a diversion and then continued towards destination.

At one point the tiny creature came across a crack in the floor. It paused for a little while, analyzed and then laid the huge leaf over the crack, walked over the leaf, picked the leaf on the other side then continued its journey.

The man was captivated by the cleverness of the ant, one of God’s tiniest creatures. The incident left the man in awe and forced him to contemplate over the miracle of Creation. It showed the greatness of the Creator. In front of his eyes there was this tiny creature of God, lacking in size yet equipped with a brain to analyze, contemplate, reason, explore, discover and overcome. Along with all these capabilities, the man also noticed that this tiny creature shared some human shortcomings.

The man saw about an hour later the creature had reached its destination – a tiny hole in the floor which was entrance to its underground dwelling. And it was at this point that the ant’s shortcoming that it shared with the man was revealed. How could the ant carry into the tiny hole the large leaf that it had managed to carefully bring to the destination? It simply couldn’t!

So the tiny creature, after all the painstaking and hard work and exercising great skills, overcoming all the difficulties along the way, just left behind the large leaf and went home empty-handed.

The ant had not thought about the end before it began its challenging journey and in the end the large leaf was nothing more than a burden to it. The creature had no option, but to leave it behind to reach its destination. The man learned a great lesson that day.

Isn’t that the truth about our lives?

We worry about our family, we worry about our job, we worry about how to earn more money, we worry about where we should live – 5 bedroom or 6 bedroom house, what kind of vehicle to buy – a Mercedes or BMW or a Porsche, what kind of dresses to wear, all sorts of things, only to abandon all these things when we reach our destination – The Grave. We don’t realize in our life’s journey that these are just burdens that we are carrying with utmost care and fear of losing them, only to find that at the end they are useless and we can’t take them with us

 

~

GENERATION GAPS ?

I AM REALLY AT  A LOSS TO UNDERSTAND THE AMBIGUITIES IN OUR DAY TO DAY LIFE ?

SENTIMENTS

Live life like a pair of walking feet. The foot forward has no pride, and the foot behind has no shame.....It is in sync that makes us walk , both have equal value !
Because both know, their situations will soon change. :)
Stay blessed. ♥ ♥ ♥

Love never dies..

It remains forever
forever
forever
forever
Only partner changes.
So keep loving the latest addition (latest one )
Never break 4 things in life-
1. Trust
2. Promise
3. Relation
4. Heart
coz they don't make  any glass like shattering noise when break but inflict unbearable pain

तकलीफ  ओर  मोहब्बत  दोनों  इंसान  को  आंसू दे  कर  जाती  हैं  पर  एक  फर्क भी  है ...
.तकलीफ
.कभी  न  कभी  खतम  हो  जाती  है ...
.मगर  महब्बत ?..उम्र भर रहती है ..
.कभी  खतम  नहीं  होती .
गुनाह  में  दौलत  जरुर  है  मगर  सकून नही )
(बात  अल्फाज़  की  नही  लहजे  की  होती  है )
(किसी  के  बारे  में  बुरा  मत  सोचो  होसकता  है  वो  खुदा  की  नज़र  में  तुम्हारी सोच से  बेहतर  हो ?

एक  अकेला  बाप सात सात  बेटों  की  परवरिश  कर सकता  है .
लेकिन  सात  बेटे एक बाप को उसके बुढ़ापे का सहारा नहीं दे सकते ?)
(आदमी  बीमारी  के  डर  से  खाना  तो  छोड़  सकता  है ,
मगर  सजा   के  डर से  गुनाह  नहीं )

P = Phone karna..

 Y = Yaad karna.. 

A = Azadi khona.. 

R = Rote rehna, 

 kaash phone aaye!! Unko hamari yaad aaye..So don’t PYAR.

A silly tourist asked a boat guy,

Do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography, Geology ?

The boat guy said: NO to all the questions.

The tourist then said: What the hell you know on the face of this earth ? You will die of illiteracy.

After a while, the boat started sinking, so the boatman asked the tourist: Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodilogy ?

The tourist said: NO.

The boat guy replied: Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology :P

·MANY ,people curse their own destiny , and their unanswered prayers,

 if God answers your prayer, God is TESTING your faith. if God delays to answer your prayers ,God is TESTING your
patience. if God doesn't answer it,God knows you can handle it..ON YOUR OWN BECAUSE YOU HAD BOTH THE
QUALITIES " FAITH & PATIENCE..





किसी का मोहताज न रखना रब तूं , मुझे इस जमाने में,
बर्बाद किया है मैंने सारा वक़्त , बेवजह उनेह मानाने में ,
रो भी चूका हूँ मुहं छुपा कर , अपने दिल के अंशियाने में ,
सृष्टि का तूं रचियता है , क्ष्रण ही लगेंगे तुझे ये बनाने में
सभी को आज तक वो मिला है ,जो आया ख़ाली हाथ दर तेरे
कमी है कौन सी मेरे ''मालिक '' तेरे अतुल्य ,अनंत खजाने में?


...
Kisi Ka Mohtaaj Na Rakh rab toon Mujhe Iss Jamaney ME ,
barbaad kiya hai maie sara waqt ,bevajah uneh mananey mein
Ro bhi chuka hoon muhn chipa ke, apney dil ke ashianey mein
srishti ka rachiyata hai tun , kuch pal hi lagtey hain tujeh ise bananey mein
sabhi ko aaj tak vo sab mila hai , jo aaya hai khali haath dar pe tere
Kami Hai Kon Si Mere "Malik" Tere atulya anant Khajaney Mein ?

"When I lie waking all alone,
Recounting what ills have i done, ?
My  subconscious thoughts tyrannize me,
Fears and sorrows surprise me,
Whether  should I stay still or leave ?
ALAS !the time moves very slow,
All my grieves to this are jolly,
Naught so sad as melancholy.

'This my sole plague to be alone,
I am a beast, a monster grown,
I will have neither light nor company,
I find it now my misery.
The scene is turned, my joys are gone,
Fear, discontent, and sorrows come.
All my grieves to this are folly,
Naught so fierce as melancholy."